Deb Sofield Archive

When Your Past Comes Calling

Posted February 24, 2014 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

When I appeared recently as a guest on Deb Sofield’s radio show, I sat engrossed as she delivered the first part of the program. She provides a monologue for the first few minutes of her show where she pours out her wisdom into the lives of her listeners.

Her message was about when your past calls. Her advice? DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE! Why? Because it has nothing new to say!

Here’s a truth: your past will ALWAYS come back to haunt you. Raise your hand if your mama told you that. Yes, I see all those hands flying up. Of course she did. It’s absolutely true!

Unfortunately, the one thing mama left out was telling you what to do at that moment when the past comes calling. And—God bless mama’s heart—because she left that part out, we have automatically concluded without a conscious thought whatsoever that we’re obligated to answer the door… or pick up the proverbial phone and have an endearing conversation with our past.

Not so!

In fact, we are under no obligation whatsoever to do anything even remotely resembling that.


So, you’ve made mistakes in the past. But today, you’re moving on and making a go of a new lease on life. Right in the middle of getting your groove on, working your mojo and creating your magic, here comes your past, lumbering into the room.

As Deb put it, your proverbial phone rings. The caller ID shows you it’s that dreaded call from your past. Let’s think for a moment. Remember the last time you were right in the middle of your favorite TV program and the phone rang? You checked to see who was calling and realized it was a telemarketer.

Not one of you pulled away from Castle or Downton Abby to talk to a telemarketer you never asked to speak to, who is intruding upon your “now” and trying to dump something off on you that you don’t want in your life.

What’s more, you don’t feel guilty about it in the least. Why? You value what you’re doing much more than you’ll get from the interruption, or what it has to give you.

It’s the exact same thing when your past comes to call. It’s an unwanted—and dare I say unneeded—interruption in your today. Contrary to what you’ve assumed is good and proper “My Past Will Come Back to Haunt Me” etiquette, you simply have no obligation whatsoever to entertain it when it shows up at your door.

You can’t go back and change it. You’ve already learned from it. You’ve already moved on from it. So why would you want to let it move in on you again? That’s like wanting to relive a root canal or brain surgery. Ummm… no.

The lock is on the inside of the door where you are. The answer button on that emotional phone is in your hand. It’s completely up to you and uniquely YOUR decision. DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE!

Thank you,Deb Sofield, for such an empoweringmessage.

How many times has your past come calling and you answered the door or picked up the phone? I really want to know your answer. Leave me a comment and let me know. Also, has it come calling and you didn’t answer? Share it here!

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You Have Something to Say!

Posted January 17, 2014 By Reba J. Hoffman, Ph.D.

I know what you’re thinking. Me? Speak? Well, praise the Lord and pass the Valium. It’s a horrifying proposition for most people so you’re not alone.

I do quite a bit of speaking. Many of you have heard me speak either live or via live video feeds. It may surprise you to know that I used to hate and avoid public speaking at all costs. If I did have the opportunity to speak, my palms began to sweat about four weeks before the event and I didn’t sleep until after I’d delivered what I thought was a very shallow message.

One day I realized something that changed my life forever. I realized I had something to say that others wanted and needed to hear. Suddenly, I knew I had a purpose. I could sow into the lives of individuals in an audience and really, truly make a difference in their lives.

That revelation transformed me from a fleeing fraidycat to a bulldog that walked up on the stage and said, “Let me at ’em!” All I needed to know is that I could make a difference and the fear faded into insignificance.

Know what? You have something to say, too! All your experiences, life events, wisdom, blunders, mistakes, triumphs, tragedies are all precious golden nuggets that others need from you in order to prosper. Pouring yourself out and into their lives through your spoken word is the ultimate philanthropic contribution!

Yesterday, I was privileged to have a wonderful conversation with public speaking coach, Deb Sofield. I met her by listening to her radio broadcast on talk radio. She is filled with energy, and pours it out in the word that flow over the airwaves. I am always encouraged, enlightened and motivated with every broadcast.

Deb recognizes that most people–individuals just like YOU–have a passion but become paralyzed in terror when asked to speak about it. In her book, Speak Without Fear, she gives practical advice on how to conquer the fear of speaking in public. I very highly recommend it for anyone who wants to speak but is sidelined by fear.

Listen. You have something to say. The world needs what you have to say. Period. Get over the fear and give us your wisdom. We’ll all grow through your speaking and you’ll gain confidence each time you share. One day, you’ll be that bulldog saying, “Let me at ’em!”

How have you reacted to being asked to speak in public? Have you had a negative experience? A positive one? Share it here!



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